and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
