Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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