I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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