Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
