Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
