dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
