ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
