Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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