You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
