Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
