I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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