I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Randomize
