Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think people are normalizing furries
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
