Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
