Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
