My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize