wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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