i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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