It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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