Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
