I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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