He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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