Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
