She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
