3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize