Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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