I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
