Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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