his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
