He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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