they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize