I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
