the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All I want is dick and wine.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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