i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
