the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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