Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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