I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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