My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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