so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You did what with his pubic hair?
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