If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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