Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
