Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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