In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he was CRYING into my vagina
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize