We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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