they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
