I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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