I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
