Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
