Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize