my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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