Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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