I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
