PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
