Tell her she can't have a vagina
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
