apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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