He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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