i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
