I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
