I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
