I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
