Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
