Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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