Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
