Tell her she can't have a vagina
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
