Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
