One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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