y did u give ur computer a hand job?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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