She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
