Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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