I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
