I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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