watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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