I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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