you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
