Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
