I puked a lego.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
