My room smells like vodka and shame
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
