every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
