Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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