I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
