can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my shit smells like andre
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize