Pappa wants mamma naked
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
