The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
