smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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