You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
