the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
